All aboard
how classic, especially withe the train whistle right after
idk why i dont write in my blog more often its super easy... Probly the easiest thing ever.. I wanted to keep a travel journal but duh.. This is basically it riiight here hah

So im on my way to portland :)
i wanted to blog about something importlant but i cant remember what it is now
hmmmm
i need to write my resume!! I could definatly just blog it
bloooooogit
not now.. 5 more mi utes please
seat number 33

So this will now bemy 3rd time in portland
i tend to just spend a few days there at a time
ughh theres this littl baby behind me making really sik noises witb his mouth but i dont feel like moving.. Hahah its just distracting like eghh making me want to puke how sad
lets see maybe ill move?

Whynot

Omgsh how amazing I can post here in my blog fromy iPhone
as far as updates go
job is going great
feelin more comfortable with life in general I lov my phone lol

That icky feeling

today/tomarrow

shower power vacuum clean kitchen iron vacuum car and clean ittt-manicure in the middle-
grocery store mmmm remove ash tray items early am
work attt 4

five on friday
11am on saturday
11 on sunday or earlier idk..

second cup

not as good
well i need to get some creamer at the grocery store
first i need to take a shower.. do my nails study my materials a little bit then off to work
i wanted to tell my mom something but i can't remember what it is
oh well im sure i will if its important.. ya right lol
ugh i look awful i know thats terrible to say but i just do
harsh reality

ive had so many points today already.. however i am going to make a papaya strawberry vanilla smoothie with wheat grass juice
i feel so cool.. with the wheat grass mm
barry loves it
note to self
do not buy foods that are unhealthy and bleh.. aka oreos.

how exciting
i need to eat slow food
well really just the opposite of fast food
hmm.. really lol

well forget that smoothie idea.. i guess i should just try it by itself and not put in on my face.. in case of it turning green

barry's ready for bed :) he is so cute
my goodness
ill have to send the new picture i took of him vi tele
so my grandpa is so funny omgoodnesss
ive been playing guitar like crazy! im so happy about it
fun timess bebe
i wanna play some more however my hands hurt.. boo

april tenth. ill remember you well. what epic disaster
april ninth however was nice.. what happened..
time to really reflect and pray
and know what is really really important and real.
i love my Grandpaaa <3

sooo i love schmokin and writing in this blog
i love the new hand soap i got
i need to floss my teeths daily
my hairs getting longer againnn i love that too
i wonder how long itll be after summer.. and what itll look like..
i wanna do waves like... lemme see

perfect. thats exactly what i want my locks to be
omg.. she is so prettay i love her <3

barry just dropped his towye on my lap lol
to reup or not.. that is the question.
you'de think i could wait its just..idk its what keeps me sane.. sortof at least what i can claim to be sanity
lol we will see where the wind takes me!
by the way my class is tomarrow so ill go to work after and figure out my schedule..well hopefully or thursday im not sure
the class will probly take me one second
last time maybe 10 minutes.. just went over the book and took a short multiple choice quiz
thats nice of my boy today.. im glad it worked out
omgggg crazyyynesss
oh mannn v for vendetta came out in 05.. meening fiiiiive years later it took for her locks to grow out.. well i guess 4 and that was from totally bald.. so ide say itll take me.. 3
sigh....

yea we all shine on
the moon the stars and the sun
we all shine on
mhmm

ive sang that so many times and played it.. every time it brings an intense spirit in meh,. idk why but i like it LOV it
well honestly goodnit im ssoooooo tired i havn't slept a wink
the obsession well lets not say that
inspiration continues..
<3

omg im fuckin fat
i look like total shit
complexion is shit
hair is shit
body is shit
omg
waht terrible things to say! i wish they wern't true
god i look like a fukin sciorpion woman
total goon

and its cooooold outside
babee its cooooooooooold outside
i wish i had someone to snug with me please my fat legs will keep you warm <3
hahaha how appealing right boyz?
freggin sik.. this is dam pathetic

okay
AFTER SUMMER which is like 4 months

i expect myself to be in
amazing shape 125 lbs excercize and stretch be total health nut
soft healthy complexion cause of healthy foods
long hair thats soft and natural HAIR PEACE an take care of it
pretty nails and clothes and stuff shoes an the like cosmeticsss
really white teeths
amazing guitar player :) heh
alright nah how perfect ya know
why the fuk can't i step up my lazy ass game and do this sheit!?
lets do it ohhh yea

okay so my wrist hurts ive been playing guitar so much since grandpa adjusted the neck so it no longer make a buzzing noise! hurray! absolutly fabulous
he mentioned a trade in on a gibson.. omg.
what do i do?

play some morrrre eat some food?

..sigh

I was never going to fall
But the smile, the face has sealed my fate
She's weird, an addict of it all
Lets wait for another taste
I have nothing left to give

The world, has turned, black and cold
And I, can't catch my breathe
You rehearsed your lines
With rhythmic details
They match, the pounding in my chest

The summer came and you left me with your words
The clever sounds from your mouth
They can make me feel so worthless
And you say, that I am not enough
And through my heart is breaking open
Know that I will not be broken
BY you

The person you claimed to be, is not who haunts me now
The cherished lines behind those brown eyes
That you swore were true more times than I can count

The summer came and you left me with your words
The clever sounds from your mouth
They can make me feel so worthless
And you say, that I am not enough
And through my heart is breaking open
Know that I will not be broken

I know these words are weak and young
But broken as I come undone
And while I drown in these mistakes
You ego swells but I can tell
You know that you're a fake.

You cried and cried I'm your friend
Just to save some face
You didn't want it to end
In just a week I'm replaced
You wanted me so listen to me
But can you hear me now
Your just a sickness and a cancer
The cancer's your filthy mouth.

YouTube - Neutral Milk Hotel-Two headed boy

YouTube - Neutral Milk Hotel-Two headed boy
so ive been practicing this song..
remember b is open 244 open..
:)

Fun times new people cold hands! Hah
Well all of these idk
Im happy i hav a job.. Yay :)
Meeting next wednesdayy for my f h cardd
Ill remeber
I need to take cre of my complexion! Egh whats the deaaalll
Love this crew

craazy i didn't make a post 50 times yesterday.. not even one hah
i just did mah nailss a little anyways nothing fancyy
potato pepe is perfect i like it
listening to wilco sky bleu sky which is very pleasing to my earsies
i totally overdid it on the easter candies.. and soda..
i was close to having the perfect diet today
oh well..
"im gonna need you to be patient with me"
my nails look pretty dang gooood
my legs are shavedd
showered with makeup wow what a productive day!
i even did some yogaa just a little
i need to really get on the excercize thing... i think i will because summer will come up and ill want to be outside all the time. i want to take barry to the river; as much as possible allll summer he would absolutly love it and so would i he is so much fun to take swimming :)
i want to start swimming and running and doing cardio classes and whatnot that would be superrr fun
man i took advantage of a lot at my last apartment.. i wish i was still there.. going to la fitness and yoga classes having my own place.. couldve gotten a tv with my tax return.. oh well what am i gonna do now.
thats what happens when shit comes crashing down i guess.. change
not a bad thing

what am i gonna do?
im breathing.. i guess thats a succesful day
i have to go pee againnn
then what?
idkk

oj (not simpson) smoothie

oh cramps leave me aloneee pweaaase pwase.
today i went to the grocer and purchased some fruits and veggies..
im a few cups short on those daily values in lifea
im going to idk.. im not really that hungry.. i might have a muffin.. tehe
orrr some blackberries sound really good
maybe some olives
idk
my stomach is actinggg up
maybe ill watcha movie with grandpa
i just smokedd and played guitar oh how amazing that is
loveee it so much and totally appreciate that little joy in life
ill feel better soon i hooope
bleh glad i saved that lil bit  :)

breakfast smooooothie! yum thats totally what i want right now!
yumz yumz
i think ill use orange juice raspberries and OMG i didn't know rasberrys was spelled with a P IN THE MIDDLE im freggin amazed
and anywhays rasPberries and vanilla yogert..
i guess thats all idk? a lil lemon squeezee and ice of course-- we'll seee

"This isnt how i wanted to remember me an you"

I love bics from franceee <3

Hangers for closet

Get furniture polish-
New mop please

note to self--

move the mirror back where it was
hang up lisas cacti
dust and vacuumm
get the other guitar stand for electricc
freaggin laundry please you goon
hang up other pictures maybee?
remove box please
pweas

and the stars are gone

 

 

barnback yeard shenanigans

i can’t belive they have that word in the dictionary! im impressed~

my boooks
i've lost so many books that im totally sad about!
1st my marijuana cookbook... :( i gave my massage and cocktail books to shelbay which is okay but still kindaaa wish i had them
and my feng sui book...
pooperlies
smoothie book
eghhhh and all my cat who booksss why did i do thisss whyyyy :(
i need to find a used bookstore asap!

ps i wanna join NORML and get a pack-pack tehe
anyone wanna donate a hundred bucks to meh? for the cause of legalizeee it babee

How To Improve Your Brick Weed

Posted in December 18, 2009 ¬

In the great world of ganja, there is one breed of bud which every marijuana connoisseur will come across at one point or another in life: Brick weed. It’s flat as fuck, often times exhibits multiple shades of brown, and generally comes stuffed full of seeds and unsightly stems. This is weed that should really only be used in blunts or bongs, but sometimes you just can’t find or afford nice buds.

With just a little bit of effort and maybe a dollar in supplies, you can make your brick weed bearable. This trick makes it smell better, smoke better, and look better within a few hours. All you need is an orange peel and a ziploc bag.

Take your orange peel, and rip it into a few decent sized pieces. If you are doing this for 1/2 O or less, use less than half of the peel.  For anything over a 1/2 O, use your own discretion- a full peel is good for up to 2
or 3 os. You do not want to add too much moisture as it will cause mold to flourish.

Line the bottom of the ziploc bag with a few pieces of peel, and put your weed on top of them. Put another piece or two of the peel over the weed, and  seal the bag shut. Roll it the bag up as you would any other weed bag, and store it where you feel like storing it. After 1 1/2 or 2 hours, open it up. Take everything out of the bag and leave the weed out on a tray or plate to dry it out. Once it has dried out, put it back in the bag with the peels as you had before. Allow the same amount of time to go by, and repeat the drying process.

You can repeat this moistening/ drying process as many times as you’d like- the more you do it, the fluffier and greener the weed gets, and the more it will loosen up- the seeds will fall right out of the buds and you will be able to pick out most stems with ease.

Some people will argue that this process adds weight to bud, and may be considered a “shady dealer” process. However this added weight is only from adding the moisture, and drying it out properly will eliminate that element. Be aware of mold, and do not forget about your bags for too long in order to avoid that issue.

whats up with this new health care bill?? omgsh... i dont want to spend 1000 dollars a month and be FORCED to have health care or your penalized.. what the fuck mann.. not FAIR
health care should be paid for 100% as should ALL school including colledge
its only so fucking obvious that health care and student loans are a big money grubbing conspirisy.. they should obviously be free.. duh
and we should idk support made in the usaa companies only! its so unconstitutional to have this made in china shit..
if ben franklin were here.. what would he say.. he would be sad i bet like i am about this..
its all so rediculous and wound so tight that shit is going to hit the fan and i want to be on secluded acres of land with my family freinds and organic food when it happens

that was BEFORE i knew this bill had passed and before i heard the president's speech about the new system

cathaweenie APPROVED!

im going to be able to have health insurance!! hurray we ALL are and the best part is he's only raising taxes for people that make over 200thou- perfect.  Lets let some people with money pay for something for once shall we?? <3

theres a few people i love <3
he knows

tingly lips
theres so many things i wonder about
who doesn't but i meen really..
i get to tired after midday latly
i should stop quoting
or maybe not

i think barry might have been mad at me? cause i didn't say buy to him tonight orrr perhaps because i left the flat iron on in my room! scaryyy i need to quit that for sure!
my hurr is very interesting right now
i wonder what itll look like after summer.. becauuuse it was super short four months ago so another four months.. idk i could only imagine.
i trimmed some ends just a few minutes ago which i need to stop as well1
i should get a professional trimming perhappp.s
i dont know
oyster shells would be such cute like.. pearl earring boxes.
all shiney and hinged..
my hair is two different shades of le brunette
i think illl check out my numerology boook..

mehndi and francaiiis

The hard luck god 
You never had a chance you know 
Incurable romantics never do 
He held the flame I wasn't born to carry 
I'll leave the dieing young stuff up to you
You get back on the latest flight to paradise 
I found out, from a note taped to the door 
I think I saw your airplane in the sky tonight 
Through my window, lying on the kitchen floor.

Heart album by Stars

Heart album by Stars

well.. let me try to just state the bare facts with NO EMOTION behind them.
so the complete fsucking terrible opposite doesn't happen jebus thats so hard and lame i want to cry
dammit is it just me this happens to omgg

i got the job at taggaris :| see?? completely emotionless statement so dont fuck me over now... fucking invisible force just existing to fuck me over.
can't say how i really feel about it
fuck it
im fucking happy and excited
haha
"so would you mind working just for the summer? outside on the lovely patio with the live bands on the busy weekends?" umm not at alllll
thank youuu for this blessing

and thank you for that special someone that completes the missing pieces of my heart <3

me and grandpa got pedicures todayyy it was so relaxinggg oh god my back was so sore and they had the perfect massouuushe chair and my toes look lovely easter pinkkk
a dozen rosas haha
roll that r babay!

my shower cab worked nicelyy haha herro extra large bouffant..
i must put a photo of me in it on here cause it looks funny as hayyell
oh i randomly broke out in like.. hives tonight? randomly
i doubt it was from the za.. like how often do i cosume that sheit.. often
tonight we had hawaiian at the achomahol class.. got my chapter 12 cert. easy enough
chatted with some ladies
hung out at the bowling alley for a couple hours hah

i seriously need to exfoliate my back.. tomarrow i will do this

dammm ive never done ty's numerology??? whhhaaaat thats a must do
first of all.
ahh i just forgot what i was going to sayyyy

anyways..
i want to plant a garden
sunflowerrzz how lovely
and also refinish the cedar chest my grandma made and i keep getting water marks on like a douchebigalo
also take a glass blowing class? if there is one i bet there is
take barry to da river to sweiiim im excited for that one
practice my mehndi designsss
perhaps even try to make some myself

the goal is...
to learn the skills to create my own fabric..
sew my own clothes (when i say my im including my family and friends and for trade etc)
grow my own food
raise animals (cows chix goats horsesss ya knwo)
woodworking
glass and pottery creations
develop photos in a darkroom old schoool style
speak french and maybe something else? eventuallyy
PRACTICE FRANCAIS CDSS
cook amazing meals that are super healthy and wonderful

musican
herbalist
francais speaker
massage therapist
aromatherapist
photographer
writer
freedom fighter <3
artist and muse

there are things that i love in this world
i will speak of them freely and be thankful for them at the same time
i am not taking advantage of these good experiences and situation i am in i just greatly appreciate them!
i appreciate all my friends throughout life and the beautiful things and places ive seen and the sweet animal pets and my wonderful family
and my best friend who i love so much <3
show love and a happy go lucky carefree sense of things
its always loved and creates intrigue

this whitestrip tastes discusting. i hope its not expired.. eghhh

i love youuuu
and appreciate youuu
take care of this temple. its the only one you've got!

stars is so amazing i want to cry for pure joy

daily goals

i think its a good idea to keep my focus's small.. instead of a big picture all the time
my goal for tomarrow is to go to the library oh sunday tomarrow.. might hav to switch up we will see
cook an amazing meal for dinner on monday and job interview
practice my sewing on tuesday and attend lil alchool classy class
buy a record player.. goal...
so i can search for records!! whee

take barry for a run/adventure on wednesday
create a nature journal on thursday
print photographs on friday
create bedroom wall hanging saturday
how lovely!! something to live forrr!!

key is.. not to overload myself in goals that i feel like i have to accomplish right that second
and not to keep them so far off in the future that nothing happens with them
enjoy life!!
please catharine
reflect on your blessings and not the occasional life fuck ups
please
enjoy yourself
steelin time is
risky bisness
i love you <3

confidence.. where are you??
lost in the local grey area connection.. i love that.. hehe

listen to amazing music!! like stars.. feel good stuff
take care of myself..
keep room clean.. and myself showered in the morning!! makeup and hurr done!!
nails pretty.. clean clothes..
smell amazinnng
walk barrykins around and excercize as much as possible
save money from my job that i hooope i get :) just be mee!!
<333 me my puppy and friends and family that care for me
so amazinggg

to do-
forget about him!! boyyyyz are gayyy :)
the only reason boys are here is to laugh at lol.. :)
yeaaa babayyy!

How to lose a guy in ten days
Omg.. Soo me! Hah jeeese
Welll ha what can ya do.. Juse be the rea me.. The gf me takes over in a bad way sometimes

The old cute carefree me is my favorite..
Whaaat can ya do
pfft

lol well its almost four as you can see
warming up
interesting evening
what lessons can be learned? teheh
mm frosting!

well tomarrow* is the day for.. who knowwwsss :)

see *tomorrow
i prefer my own context i dunno.. is there something wrong with that
"does that make sence?" -lowell

OH my gad.. my kambucha  will not stop massivly fizzing about to shoot the top off..
is this like.. super Kombucha .. will i be superhuman after i drink it? hmmm
hah seriously though... jeeese..
okay its slowed down.. botanic no 7

he knowws -the bearster etceteraaa
<3
watched boondock saints II made me want to see onee so bad! and the box.. heh totally random endinggg
goood night mhmm

i fell apart when i fell for you--
so many expectations fell apart at the start of the new year
you are the water filling my lungs.. how ironic this is the cd i listen to when im feeling these detached emotions..your last girl was probly thinking the same things
how could this happen
how can such a beautiful soul be so dark..
how can love hurt so much?

Well.. A lot of thought is going on.. Finally calm thought free of erradic emotions and some maing sense of it is happening as well..
The ocean was a beatiful time.. But wha comes with epic beauty so comes distruction
Things happe for a reason.. Dwelling on the past is illogical.. Remembering is beatiful.. Again there's that happy medium. Mabe weve found ours? Friends forever..

interesting day and time 3 seems to be around the time
GOALS
lose 20 lbs-
Do Not cut hair
listen to emery..lol
detox. get in amazing shape
take care of myself
play geetar as much as i can
hopefully..
play cello/take a summer art class
save money for future travels wherever they may be <3


lame i forgot my detox teaa.. oh well.. it will be for morning-
ohhhlala guitar is so nice

Theres a dime fused to my car nook.. Hahaha
"thats not comin outta there" hah

miss ht

vote for pedro ME!
http://misshightimes.com/users/cashrin

favorite locks

however.. i am growing it long again- i am

I wish i was still a baby...

Grandpa, if grandma dies i think i just might die too. And i did..on the inside..
I am healing i can function. But that childlike innocence is gone. never to return. until that beautiful day when life begins anew through my and into another life form

Being into the lasdscaping makes me feel like im in a whole nother world.. People tak and its echoinglike a mini sphere in my alter reality

Grandpa sais be fair with peple so true!
He alwas teaches me amazing lessons.. Mentor figure

green tipped stogies
a new idea of mine ;) thatll be 27 dollars please

love

my hair muse.. this is the goal.. lovely wavy locks <3

this is what it looked like then
the reason my hair is short <3 i swear im in love with this woman lol
i want it to be like this again! its my abolut favorite on me.. but at the same time.. so much progress as far as length! is being made. what to do what to do 

"The universe is a stage-
Your mind dances with your body, guided by your heart"

I look awful.. just so toxic :(
I need to make a list of daily to-do's to help me out a littl-

Daily improvements 

detox tea at least morning and night (mmm yogi brand detox..)
drink lots and lots of water
eat only raw healthy food and drink
cardio cardio cardio!! 
steam room...
shower and exfoliate every morning
use fabulous natural products
floss nightly 
take multivitamin and calcium daily 
keep atmosphere clean and tidy
YOGA
daily stretches
improve posture
read books poetry and music
play music as much as possible :)


eventually have a plethora of dried herbs to concoct own different tea every day
grow fresh herbs and wheat grass/kambucha!!/kefir


i wanna be a long hair
all natural 
health oriented
music and the arts oriented
creative and passionate
loving and inspirational 

birkenstock wearin
hah im just me
love it 
<3
 
 

autolux is fuking amazing.
omg
anywhays
note to self: stay coo :)

iron and wine
pedro the lion
apparently my neighbors ;)

It is so lovely outside. Interesting ambiance :)

las night was funn :)
and when i got home i had the earge to rearrange my bedroom.. creative juices were flowing if you know what i meen

but on a dif not theres  a huge weird spot on my face (my fault)
and the shit on on my eyes is back!! :( poo poo platter..
later PLEASE WRITE here _______________ what chem it takes to fix that stuff so i can always have it pwease. plweas thank you-

its my boys birthday tomarroww he so cute
i hope he gets to do something funn <3

11:11

on the 11th!!

gosh dangit barry is so CUTE!! motherfuck
i just got home from my friends house.. i met his girlfriend and she is way coo hehe yayy
it feels so nice to have some fabulous new friends here so close to me :)

i miss my someone <3
so i just got home and came in no doggie heard me till i said "bear-bear" and all the sudden him and sheila came to great me lol but so dang quick! they were
it was cute then lil bear jumped on the bed and layed down so cuute on the pillow and but his nose on my forehead aweee jheeeese my lil baby pup is so wonderful
its late
feelin good
and need to clean the room tomarrow

LIST
all laundry organdized
is spell check off or something?
freshin up dust an vacuum maybe whatnot
k spell check is doin good
go through my fun things and make somewhat of a cute setup :)

i would looove
oh the blanket! oh well ill get it tomarrow
to go to shows at the gorge like i was sayinn and put coo pics/posters/memories from things on the wall
frame interesting art pieces
im obsessed with venus right now
something a long those lines maybe ;)
hmmmm
this state of mind is so nicee

Tonight is a nite of al others
Guitar is amazin
Watching baman dos :)

schreelanka and catharine (francias sil vous plate)

hello dolling

oh framboise

you are so beautiful to me

dood...sweet!

so having friends is very nice.. what a change it makes in life..
the goals are to over summer-
save money
play guitar like crazzzzy
get a cute haircut and a tan!!
use my whitestrips
get in super good shape
take care of the complexion
use eyedrops
chapstick
cute clothes
comphy jeans ty's shirts <3 and my moccasins.. need some string
attend some concerts ! :) at the gorge hells to the yea
keep mani/pedi lovely keep clothes and myself scented of lavender soft and lovely oh
take an art class over summerrr and do fun photojournalism projects and more!
sewing crafty craft time

have as many experiences and photographs gathered as possible
im excited to start living my life
then well see what the future brings
<3 my dearest

herro framboise <3 see you in une minute

geetar class yeehaw

so tonight i went with grandpa to his singing group.. a bunch of old timers singin old folk songs.. :) it was a good time.. i kept up pretty well with rhythem! i even played two songs on my own.. which i sucked at!! hah but hey what can ya do i enjoyed myself so thats all that matters in that sense
you ask me if ill miss her kisses.. you know i will.. every day.. i dont like it but i guess things happen that way
gash my lips are so dang chapped im dryed out folks! dry eyes and lips hah eww

my new tom's natural deodorant smells so good.. mixed with like.. my chemistry i think is what it is.. and when i put it on i feel a slight cooling sensation that is very soothing.. very pleasing

-i highly recommend this one folks

This line for wells fargo is long! And there's only 1 teller..? I wonder if they're hiring. Too bad i dont speak spanish..
Me and ty are figuring things out. What a car wreck of emotions.. :/

I havnt cried like this in years i feel like im dying from the inside out i cant take it i cant take it i cant take this why did he do this why is he hurting me why doesnt he care what did i do in one month to make him hate me so much i cant stand it i cant i feel sik with heartache. So bad so bad cant take it please god make me sleep please make me numb again
Idk what to do! Fuck!! Fuk fuk idk what to dooo :(

Doesnt miss me. Doesnt want me. Doesnt care. Feels like i dropped 100 pounds on my chest i swear it hurts so bad. Oh god. Please make me sleep and forget. Sleep and not feel anything for a while-

Oh my god it feels like my entire chest is caving in. it hurts so badly :( he wont answer me. Called me at 1 in the morning after some drinks...for the first time.. Doesnt say anything as i say hello hello?.. Jus talks in the background. Hangs up on me.. Doesnt want to deal with me.. Doesnt care. Doesnt like me.

well.. no boyfriend for me.. times are a-changin

the end

The smell of freshly cut grass is a comfort through this complicated time.. Brings me out of my mind and into reality. Harsh reality.. He is gone.

later this day-
I met the neighbor that lives right across the street..and had a quite contradicting experience to the one i had earlier today.  it was nice
the first things that were on my mind were a schmoke an a pancake and well! interesting how things go
he knows people that work at a couple restaurants around here? maybes all a-float.. :/

He just left.. :'(

To grandfathers house we go-
Were almost home to the tri-cities..listening to hot rod circuit.. Trying not to cry because my dream is over and i am so sad. I don't know what to plan or think at all. Let alone my emotions are fuking haywire. I fuking love him so much i just want to be together.. When we first met i felt like i could finally let that tense breath of air out.. That everything would be okay as long as i could feel his energy blending with mine. so warm together so happy and free.. Almost too perfect if that makes sense? I think when that happens.. too much of a good thing.. I subconsciously try to make things fuk up sort-of to balance things out. Everything has to be balanced. This i know. What goes around comes around. This i know. Happiness is within you. This i know

On the way here we went to multinoma and horsetail falls.. :) my absolut favorite place in the world. Epic beauty and intensity. I love epic. Epic should be my second middle name

I havnt been id'd all night wtf??

His eyes are 3 different colours..
Green in between
Grey on a normal day
Blue when something intense is happening
Hes so cute <3

Just dance im drizzunk as hell! This obne random guiy was turning 34 the same biotjhday as m.!

Well today is the day (officially) i am 21!! Ahh i cant believe it!!
Omgsh it feels so weird!
Hahaha idk why!
<3 all around people!

a very very unbirthday

well! the day has just begun and so far.. here are some lovely memories-

mm elixers and my boy <3

21 birthday candles!

i seriously can hardly believe that its official!! its my birthday.. march 4th and seriously feels so werid!! ahhh haha idk whyy
im in love<3
love all around
for everyoneeee<333

ahh crazyyynesss
we will see what tomarrow brings aye? :)

From the muddy banks of the Wishkah

March 1/2010
Okay so the day started going through Raymond, where Kurt Cobain played his first show with the band not yet called Nirvana.  Then we were off to Aberdeen.. The first place we saw was-  














Rosevear’s music center where Kurt got his first guitar, not the original store.. i guess it moved in 199something?
Then next was-

His first house growing up
then we went to the bridge of course-






as we were leaving we stopped by his first apartment and the guy from the melvin’s house… where he supposedly hung out a lot…

then at last- we went to jack in the box and got free drinks from a lady who liked my jacket. :)
fun day kids!

Im so excited for my birthday! The green came through so its fun all around cept the valance balance of course of the world going round-
In the meens of my man leaving :( that is no fun at all..
After the burial- note to self look up
I need to do my nails! Like its such a chore
So much to do before my birthday! Jeebus
Clean the house spotlessly
Organize all our stuff
Clean da car
Manicure/pedicure/other funzies like smooth legs and a facial :)
Sounds lovely
Off to bed i spoze?

My hair is getting so long! Im so happay i can just see it past my shoulders already! And me weighing 135 again

GOALS
Weight 135 totally toned and flat bellied
Perfect sunny complexion
Long thick natural coloured hair with flowy bangs
Perfect mani/pedi
Long thick lashes
Lovely cosmetics and fragrances
Lovely clothes and shoes sandles boots and mochs scarves bags oh my
Really white teethies
Yoga meditate and feng sui le life
Do stretches so muscles are long and lean and improve posture
Ride bike places with cute satchel funn
Mhmm be debt free in cute soft comphy cozy bedroom with le bear and hopefully kittens
Photos and art and le musica all around meeee
Friends and flowers

Herbs

On the way

And i feel the warmth of the sun the same as ive always felt it

Its raining at the same time, what a rare pleasure.
My heart is warm and cozy <3

"solitaire masta"

Ive been getting better and better at playing solitaire! What happens then?
Won a total of 4 times yesterday.. and am now going to keep track of my winnings
idk.. theres no way i could do that! hah

"You were everything i wanted but i just cant finish what i started"
We are now driving away from the town of aberdeen. saw kurts house from childhood, his first apartment, and his main hangout at the melvins practice pad. Overall it was a wonderful day. We had brewskis and stogies-(me only) under the bridge and barry swam in the muddy banks of the wishkah. Had a very cobain kind of day
"a day in the life"
On our way home and keeping our fingers crossed for herbs we will see friends!
<3

Cheers! From the muddy banks of the wiskah :) more pics to come!

I put a spell on you babe
Cauuse your mine
In raymond right now, where kurt kobains first show was.. Just stopped at a little grocer and thrift store.. Had a pretty scarf reaaaal soft for 8 bucks.. Wish i had some money.. And also a little blue tote that i liked. The thrift store had a lil mushroom magnet and a brown bottle with a monkey on it that i liked-
Tyler just got out of the gas station.. Said right when he got in there a rather large woman snuck in front of him to poop in the bathroom.. Took forever and he had to hold his breath when he went in there lol i hate when that happens! Hah ewwie
Were on our way again gettin pretty close to aberdeen :)

To be cont..
2:30pm
We just ate at subway..it was good! And there were litte girlscouts selling my beloved samoas.. Gah i wish i had some spending money :/ oh well they wont go away any time soon.. I hope (2012) ah!

To be cont..

I dont know what i hav done im turning myself to a demon.
Tyler and i are going to aberdeen today :) underneath the bridge
Im currently sitting..lol..here going pee and blogging at the same time i love it.
and waiting on his arrival back from the libarry
Hes so cute.. Omg.. Cant even handle it sometimesss and its so sweet that he stayed for my birthday.. Awe my loverbear <3

So i recently found out that you can publish your blog as a hard or soft cover book... U have
no idea the excitment this gives me. The only thing i seriously need to do is.. Put all the photos on my photobucket. Which im dreading because it will take forever and decide whether im being rid of my car. I just dont know what to do at the moment. Indecisive is my middle name

Yea.. Maybe it's because you dont bother me at all? Hmm who knows. Wish we had herb my stomach is so cramping it hurts!

stereo mindset

current status: drinking koolaid and loving autolux
getting ansy about the move!  im not sure what to do about my carrr gosh dangit! its hard selling the one thing that i have.. and love however.. i can't drive for a long ass time.. and im not even sure if im interested in doing it anymore! not for a while anyways.. just live in the city and dont drive at all is kindof the direction im going in

im just imagining what my room will be like.
i can't wait to have a fluffy bed/reading area
i'de like to have a loveseat like me mums had in her room last time.. i liked that whole set up
little tv and dvd so i can watch le movies..
laptop whereever
loveseat with geetar next to it
fluffy bed like i was mentioning lots of pillowz
painting of the birth of venus over my bed with a cute nightstand and crystal lamp accompanying it
fluffy rug between the couch and bed
large lovely mirror with a tall dressing table underneath
photos all over the walls tastefully
poster of some kind..
plants on tables
bookshelf
prettay curtainzz

prettay prettay prettay please

To sell or not to cell?
No.
Stay out of the system
And keep amazing possessions..
Like my car :)
Okay.. Ill figure this out
..

all we are saying

February 20, 2010
watched john lennon music videos all day <3

 

 

"desperation"

February 19th 2010

this is the day i watched vicky christina barcelona  layed outside in the sun on my blanket, read my current fiction the life room, drank coffee and played guitar- before i was feeling rather odd--

the neighbors gave me stogies- thanks debbie

 

a very very unbirthday

the cleaning of the house is not happening.. unfortunately as of yet im just scraping the remains of what i like to call the one hit wonder mmm.. which is helping my stomach so im keeping my fingers crossed today about any extra goodies and making some costco style spinach and parmesan mozzarella raviolis (thank you shelbay) mmm.. oh i think my water is boiling.. not to self: careful not to burst them this time please.. no bueno* that way

*bluenose
*burden
*bunsen
*busmen
^replace with

i should've gotten that garlic clove salt and pepper shaker set at the little thrift store when i had the chance! and those amazing pendleton shirts gosh dangit.. well maybe i'll see them again?

what's going on with my nood(le)z

da scrubbing

time to clean the house clean clean clean
laundry
kitchen
bathrooms
vacuuming

i need to post blogs about tyler and i's trips to the parks..theres just sooo many photos to choose from!
ill do it soon.. need to post them all on photobucket too so i can save em juuust in case i can't take this computer with me to milwaukee.. i want to print a bunch of these photos because i love them so much
soon this will happen.. i want my new room to be filled with memories of this lovely time <3

id'e like to say thank you

for my doggie <3
for my stomach feeling better (stupid cramps) thanks to a friend bringing party favors
for the lovely day were having
for my mom and grandpa <3
for my love/best friend <333
for the options that are in front of me right now. choices are such a blessing
for my sarahbear what an amazing friend and person, without her all this wouldn't be possible <3
for all the free books/music/and movies at the library
for large amounts of food items now in my belly
for this lovely beach home where i have had great and very intense learning experiences
for this time i got to spend with my favorite person in the world
for all the love we shared that will continue in my heart forever

Oh and by the way le bear remembered casey.. Im glad it takes few minutes to gain barrys trust from someone he does not know.. then after that they're homefree
Bear will like my roommates in no time and once hes used to things it'll be great
I feel safe with my littl bearenstein protecting me :) he loves his mommi heh

 Fudgethikles.. fudgethikles... fudgethikles....

current status- favorite treat

i love how he eats his.. its so cute.. hehe <3

The grass is always greener
Through the frames of yellow shades
Hes so dreamy.. omgsh i just keep glancing over at him and smiling caaaause i can't help it.. i love his sense of humor and when he laughs he is soooo ridiculously cute i can't help but feel super warm inside..just being around him..gosssh im going to miss my manboo.. <3 i can't believe my birthday is 4 days and a wakeup away.. wow here we go with the birthday of giving and taking away all at the same time
it'll be a good goodbuy.. more of a see you later kind of goodbuy.. nothings forever.. no distance is permanent.  i trust things to happen as they should with of course help from me by means of peace and love through the journey.. can't hurt when you have those two on your side ;)

Barry's just standing there.. Le protector

Interesting how things go
silly things..
"im sure of it"

rock paper scissors 

Barry is so cute..hah
Trying to get my groove back=not going to find it?
Yesterday in search of barry's toy (which now he's whining at me to throw for him) for what seemed like an hour i realized things are only where your not looking.. i gave up the search and went to put on my shoes.  there was his penguin.  the only time i will find what im looking for is if i stop looking all together.
So many lessons learned in one multi-dimensional night

 * hello/goodbuy

Current status
Having popcorn with my love
Watching kids in the hall lol..
Noon
Our curious visitor from last night left an herbal goodie for us.. :) so today has been very bright
Not mentioning the whole other world i was in last night thanks to the stuff! The crystals* on it are so amazing i had dreams about them last night..They looked like dewdrops <3 
Barry is so silly... i trust him
mmmmmbuy

*see crystal castles

"I dream-pt this moment i swear
I want you to know that"


The bear and I are sad.. we miss Ty already! so much <3
What and interesting encounter this was...Brought things into perspective by means of rattling our comfortable world a little bit..we are meant to be.. I know its true hurdles battle there way into your path all the time...you can't just stop in front of each one.. you must run your damnedest and leap right over the thing!!
There is no running from.. only running to
we make this life...
A very good encounter/evening i will say

Refreshing..random..brought us a little closer together
New place.. Old friends.. Old city.. New friends
Make new friends keep the old
Love is the way through this journey

Life is broken down into sections of your life smaller and smaller until you end up at this very moment in time.. When i was 21.. Ill be saying someday
now.. its a short 5 days and a wake-up away.. Almost here..this birthday will be like no other birthday i've had before.  This one is bringing both an end and a beginning at its exact date.
This is the day the time with my love will end
and the time to start fresh in a new city all alone in the world is beginning

I wonder what this change will bring.. what an adventure i say
-"Catch ya on the flip side"

Interesting how things go
You have a solid plan.. something interesting happens.. and makes it all the more meaningful
Wellll im in a different time zone at the moment. Hahh
Barry is such an attention getter lol
Funhmz

The new strangs

my coffee smiles at me

daaaa bear

just like his mummie

life is a battlefield

 

the damage is healing 

skye dyving~ (oldies but goodies)

Current mood: a lil chillay

burnin sum 'erb, gettin cozy in my favorite sweater, visit le biblioteche, check out the latest in audio visual stimulation~ driving  home my mind tends to wonder.. and hear we begin


pulling littlelotta' from the road we head straight into the clouds 

we sail through the sky hitting speeds unmeasurable by a 120mph speedometer, until, as usual my gas light turns on, being i have no job this is the end of the road, roooads roood.
30 miles to empty and i see a clearing in the white endless heavens i found myself flying through. lets go lotta! and with a relatively sharp turn to the right we just make through the gap of blue
we are now at 40,000 ft, and counting 30, 10
i wasn't sure the landing site, i tend to procrastinate sometimes, but i roll down my window and take a gander.

SCHSHSHPPPFFFFFFfff!!~~~~
into the ocean

it is there in the waves and le bubbles i see what i've been looking for all my life: the love between you and me~
located everywhere and in all things (and luckily floatie) starts to carry me up uup uupppppp oh i can see the sun again and land! forward lotta!

we kick it in overdrive and barrel up on the sand, receiving a funny look from a relatively homely gentleman, i later learn his name to be richie, and he spends his time bumbling/fumbling around the beach in search of "the perfect seashell"
my windows still down, we look at eachother and laugh a little, im soaking wet, sea weed all in my hair and a starfish stuck to the windshield
richie mumbles out the first words "whaaa whooo ehh.. how?"
me and lotta "hold the phone sir, may i ask you something first?"
richie "ehhh.. mm sure? i suppose? what?"
me "where are we located right now?"
richie "you've landed yourself right on the shores of florida missay!"

me "Brilliant!!"

November 28, 2008

written when my heart was in a completely blissful hopeful love state
that was then..

for love (oldies but goodies)

Current mood: like a dam fool
this ones for love
you dont see it every day, because its gone
lost in the grey
local area connection
its beautifucking nothing
forgot it
just start getting ready
start getting ready
to fill your time
this time~

January 16th 2009

rolling shattered rock (oldies but goodies)

Current mood: rather solomn
sunbeams filter through this body
my body
cutting straight like crystal
you feel what you see in this place of depth
here, now
small creatures, shroud in their movements
are they really there?
something in my eyes
all i see is bits
iridescent shards of lights
energy broken down to half an atom
searching for its other
always searching
never finding
knowing
always knowing
and being
the purest truth in life.
so small
breathe it in drink it in, swallow
feel it down the throat
travels deep
miles, and miles
forever moving through this body
your body
never ending positives
searching, searching
always
never finding
its match
this journey
right here
right now
always searching
never finding
the end

January 21st 2009
I remember writing this while i was listening to autolux and eating delicious chicken at Rumbi's grill in Scottsdale.. mmm

Beach shennannagins

Neighborhood lovin

Pretty in pink

The library treats me right

Deer beds

Raindrops are falling on my nose
With hands getting cold
As i breathe the smoke